Note: The column that follows was written
shortly before going on an all-night bender
last Friday evening, complete with a punk cover
band, lots of red wine, and much River Horse
Ale on tap. While that doesn't explain the week-long
wait in the column getting uploaded, it does
explain why I woke up Saturday morning with
nail polish on.]
season is jam-packed with holidays to celebrate.
Of course, the official kick-off accompanies
the Memorial Day holiday, where t-shirts are
stripped off and the fish white underbelly of
eight long fall and winter months is
exposed to the gleaming sun of a new season.
Next up is
Flag Day, which is one of those "pesky"
holidays, you know, like Columbus Day or Washington's
Birthday. When someone mentions it, a faint
look of recognition crosses your face until
a spark lights up somewhere near those brain
cells that got killed during that Freshman Finals
kegger. But, since we normally don't get a day
off on those holidays who really cares?
July 4th rolls
around just in time for all manner of mindless
inebriated behavior. Light off a couple fireworks
after that 13th brewski of the day? Sure. Slam
down yet another hot dog on top of the artery-clogging
cornucopia of undercooked animal flesh served
up by your incompetent sister-in-law? Why the
just as quickly as it started, the summer's
gone. August slips by with nary a holiday to
speak of (except for we Scots that still hold
the Summer Bank Holiday near and dear to our
hearts!), and Labor Day comes up and kicks us
in the ass like nobody's business!
why the long face buckaroo? Sure, maybe it means
going back to school. Or, perhaps, no more weekend
tanning sessions for the teenage minx next door.
But Labor Day always brings a smile to yours
truly's face...'cause Labor Day means Jerry,
and I ain't talkin' Springer.
For as long
as I can remember, the Jerry Lewis Labor Day
Telethon has been a holiday of sorts in my household.
The Elder Nitrates turned me on to the festivities
as a wee buck, and I was there for great moments
like the Deano/Jerry reunion at the hands of
the Chairman of the Board. Or how about any
of Sammy Davis Jr.'s legendary performances?
And who can forget the timing of last year's
broadcast with the death of Princess Di? Jerry's
tear-jerking, heartstring-tugging tribute brought
the house down, in one way or another.
Sure, I miss
the surly, caustic Jerry as Host. The Jerry
as Host who'd belt a few backstage between breaks,
loosen up the ol' bowtie, and come out swingin'
for the fences, baby! This man was Austin Powers
before Mike Meyers was a gleam in his daddy's
eye. Jerry was ripe for a party, and it was
gonna be one swingin' shindig baby.
of Jerry's inner circle keep droppin' like flies.
Dean's gone, but not forgotten. Sammy, well,
there'll never be another like him. And this
year I'm sure we'll get a fitting tribute to
Francis Albert. But Jerry's outlived 'em all,
despite the drugs, the booze and the broads,
he's turned it around and could ride this sucker
out for another ten or twenty years.
if I'll keep watching once Jerry swings in a
different plane. Who knows if the telethon can
even go on...who's gonna host, Ed? Kevin Meeny?
But when that day comes, it'll be the saddest
Labor Day I've ever known.
Concoctions for a Weekend with Jerry
was a time when I could drink and party all
night while watching the MDA Telethon. Those
days, like Dean and Sammy, are long gone. Nowadays
I need the caffeinated jolt of strong coffee
concoctions to prime the pump for 36 hours with
the King of Comedy...
A common method
making coffee throughout the Middle East, I
picked this up from a former landlord. If you
have access to 8 O'Clock brand coffee in your
area, pick some up. He said it came the closest
to the coffee he was familiar with in Croatia.
He was also a total asshole, so...
1 tbsp. extremely
fine ground or powdered coffee
1/2 to 2 tsps. sugar (it's your call)
2 oz. cold water
Stir all the
ingredients together in a small saucepan or
jezve (a Turkish coffee pot). Place over low
heat and slowly bring the mixture to a boil
without stirring. At the boiling point, remove
from the heat and pour into a demitasse. Let
the grounds settle before drinking.
seem unimaginative, but sometimes it's just
what the doctor ordered.
2 cups dark
1/2 cup whipped cream
Pour the coffee
into 2 cups, top with the whipped cream and
sprinkle with the cinnamon.
is a swishy favorite around the world. We've
taken out the whiskey and added Jack Daniels
in its place for a decidedly different kick.
1 tsp. sugar
1 shot Jack Daniels
2/3 cup coffee
sugar and the Jack in a large coffee cup. Top
with the coffee and stir. Add a dollop of whipped
cream and you're good to go.